Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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