No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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