I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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