so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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