I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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