Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
