someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
