He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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