he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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