yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
