cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
