Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just pee around me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
