I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
