Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
