Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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