Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
