I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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