she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
