Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i've created a new STD.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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