I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
