but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
