you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
