Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
