I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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