Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
