Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
