Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
