you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
