she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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