I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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