the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
