just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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