Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
