you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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