If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
