Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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