I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
