the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My ass is underappreciated
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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