I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
