...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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