i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
