hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
