i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
