I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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