Kiss
Puke
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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