why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
