He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
