i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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