We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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