bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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