I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
