I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
