3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
